Water-Boarding or Free Ponies?

NH has been quite the place to be the last week or so… I’m proud of our state and I have enjoyed the buzz around town. Now that it’s over I’ve been left with a little bit of a political hangover. I’ve had way too much, and now my head is spinning, and I don’t want to see another campaign sign for a long time!

I have some stuff to say for the Trump Lovers, Bernie haters, Hilary supporters, and the people who put Vermin Supreme in fourth place in the democratic running.

Am I a skilled reporter or political science major? Nope.

Am I normal human citizen of America who is allowed to have an opinion? Yup.

Do I think that everyone else is also entitled to their opinion? Yup.

Will I ever agree with you or take your opinions seriously if you use hate, oppression, and sexism as a basis for your arguments? Sure won’t!

That pretty much wipes out the whole Republican Party. With the front runner, Mr. WATERBOARD!!!!, 2nd runner up, Mr. Women-shouldn’t-be-in-the-military, and 5th place, Mr. No-gay-marraige-allowed!

I will give a little (very little and not supportive) nod to Mr. Kasich and Mr. Bush… Only because I found their loser speeches to be very humble, very positive, and lacking any hateful, bigotry. So if I was being water-boarded and had to choose a republican for prez it would be one of them. So there is that, if that is worth anything… And it’s not. Whatever, Republicans.

I’m not ashamed to say that I #feeltheBern.

Is he radical? Is he a little bit out there? Yeah, he is. But only if what you are used to is big banks and rich entities funding campaigns. Only if you think that people age 20-45 should be in $65,000-$125,000 debt for choosing to go to college so they don’t have to work for $8.00 at a local restaurant or retail store. Only if you think that life is precious until it’s born and becomes a child that a mother can’t care for, or a homeless person, or a mentally handicapped person, a disabled person, or any other person who can not feed, clothe, or care for themselves. Only if you believe that proper and life saving healthcare is only for the rich.

Then, yes. Bernie is CRAZY! And I can’t wait to see where the crazy train is headed! All aboard! Choo choo!!!

A shout out to my girl Hillz! She fought hard, and as much as I’d love to see a Madame President… I just can’t get on board. She’s got some sketchy emails that I think will be causing problems soon. She’s got some money coming in from places that aren’t small, local, citizen-based groups and it rubs a lot of people the wrong way. Overall, I think her heart is in the right place. She does seem like helping kids is her life’s work, and I’m all about that life! She’s also had to deal with a lot of shit through the years in her past careers, positions, and marraige. I get it, she’s seasoned. It’s cool. But what wasn’t cool was her attitude that “if you’re a girl and don’t vote for another girl than you’re a bitch.” Ok, that’s not exactly what was said, and it wasn’t even her that said it… But anyway, that’s not how feminism works. Hillz, I support your right to choose, to live as you feel comfortable, and to be free and run for president! But you Hillz, need to also be supportive of women and their right to choose what’s best for them and accept the fact that maybe that choice isn’t you. Good hustle though, still my second choice!

Then there is the candidate that got 256, votes coming in 4th on the Democratic ticket. Mr. Vermin Supreme! With his promise of ponies for all, mandatory teethbrushing, and use of time travel to thwart ISIS, why wouldn’t he get the votes!?

Also, he takes a rad selfie:

 Yes, thats me. Yes that is a boot on his head.

He’s like the crazy guy at the party that everyone loves to laugh with, drunkenly solve world problems with, take selfies with… But you sure as hell aren’t asking him for financial advice or to do the brakes on your car.

It’s an interesting world we live in when we get to decided which one of the above listed humans will get to make executive decisions regarding our health, education, happiness and well-being. Maybe interesting isn’t the word….

Terrifying might be more like it.

So it is with crossed fingers and closed eyes that I whisper under my breath “please not Trump, please not Trump, please not Trump…ANYONE but Trump.”

Because I’d take free ponies over water-boarding any day of the week.

Why I’m The Worst.

I know…. its been like… forever since my last post. I’m the worst blah blah blah.

But I have some shit to say, so here:

Something that I keep seeing on the internetz. Picture: Woman/man holding up a white board or notebook paper or cardboard sign with “reasons why I’m a feminist” or “Why I need feminism.” Then they have a written reason.

(then all of the women-hating, feminist-bashing, assholes comment about how they are the worst blah blah blah)

Most of the signs they hold are well written and very true. They really do get you thinking about why. Why do I need feminism?

Lately I have been more open about my feminist views. I have been more apt to point out to others that the way they are talking is making me uncomfortable and is not nice to other people they care about. Needless to say, this has upset people. just a little comment makes people enraged and feel betrayed and angry. example:

I was hanging with a group of friends and they were talking about the comedy show they just went to see. I ignored the “funny for a girl” comment about Amy Schumer (you pick your battles), but they all agreed she was pretty funny… then one of them said “yeah but she has such fat arms” and they all started discussing her physical appearance… and this is the battle I picked.

“that’s rude.” I said simply and they immediately stopped and looked at me like I had told them they were all terrorists.

“Why!? her arms are fat and she isn’t attractive.”

“Why does that have anything to do with her being funny or a good comedian?”

No one answered me. The subject changed. I’m the crazy feminist now.

So I have some reasons I’ve been harboring for a while on why I myself specifically need feminism and why I myself think others benefit from it as well. These are real. these are no lie. So for any of you that can’t wait to jump on the comment section and tell me I’m exaggerating, whining, or that I’m the worst blah blah blah…please remember that you were not there, I’m not attacking you, if you’re feeling offended or guilty about these, maybe realize why, instead of projecting your anger and confusion on me.

Reasons I (and every woman and man) need feminism (other than because I don’t want to make anyone a sandwich who doesn’t deserve my delicious sandwiches…)

I was called a “fat ugly feminist” on FB as a retort to an educated, non-aggressive, comment I made about sexism.

Because my name is not: Holy tits, baby girl, sexy mami, sugar, darlin, hey baby… but men still yell these things at me on the street at night when I’m walking alone in the city I call my home.

Because you just thought to yourself “well you shouldn’t be walking alone at night” instead of “Those people are rude.”

Because when I decide to have sex with someone who I’m not in a relationship with, I’m seen as a slut, a whore, and easy.

Because when I decide I don’t want to have sex with someone, I “friend-zoned” them… because to them being my friend is not a valued relationship, but instead, a penalty.

Because when I have said “NO” to sex offers in the past some responses have been “you owe me” “but I was nice to you” “you know you want it” “I’m entitled to you” “I’ll pay you.”

Because when I tell other women about those responses, they say “well, you do kind of owe him” “well, he did buy you drinks.” “well, did you give him that impression?” “that’s how they are.” “they only want one thing” instead of “but you said NO, that should have been the end of it.”

Because when I preform with my music group of very talented people (both men and women), people come up to us after and tell the guys 100% of the time: “You sounded awesome, love the new songs!” But people tell me 60% of the time: “You looked so good up there! Love your outfit, you’re so pretty.”

Because a guy friend I’ve known my whole life laughed and told me matter of factly: “you’re not a feminist.”

Because I’m expected to laugh at rape jokes, and if I don’t, then I’m “a sensitive bitch with no sense of humor”

Because if you’re scared, weak, or not good enough, people call you a bitch, girl, pussy, and you’re told to Man-Up or get some balls.

Because my breasts, even fully covered, are publicly scrutinized, joked about, referenced, and even touched by friends, family, and strangers. Because they are “huge” I’m told to “put those things away” “jeez, those things are massive” “I see the girls are out to play” “I can’t stop staring” “what size are those things!?”

Because when I say I’m seriously considering a breast reduction because I have back pain guys say “NOOOOOO don’t do it, that would be a tragedy!” not “Oh man, sorry your back hurts.”

Because I was waiting for a cab and two strangers yelled from the outside dining area “hey baby, show us those tits!” and everyone outside the bar laughed and whooped and hollered and when I responded “first, show me your dicks,” and everyone looked away and acted like I was the drunk crazy person.

Because when I talk about how I want to buy a house/condo I don’t hear “oh nice, where are you looking” Instead I get “By yourself? Don’t you want to wait until you have a serious boyfriend?” “who is going to fix things?” “Make sure there’s a room for a nursery!”

Because I know so many creative, sensitive, thoughtful, men who are intelligent, aware, and compassionate human beings, and society tries to tell us that these men aren’t “real” men.

Because I know men who are respectful, and treat me as an equal, and revel in our sex-less friendship and try to understand my point of view even though its hard. They don’t deserve to be dumbed down and told that “boys will be boys” and men “can’t help themselves” and that they are animalistic and sexually hungry by nature.

Because men can be better than that.

Because I have to convince men (and women who are against it) that feminism helps them too. The fact that instead of viewing me as a human being with feelings and needs I am viewed as an enemy to Mankind, and I must try not to offend those who humiliate me and I must tread lightly around those who feel threatened by me asking to not be threatened by them.

Because there are women that wished they were treated as I am… because in their country (and sometimes even in this country) women are beaten, burned, raped, and killed for speaking out or doing what makes them happy, or simply for being a woman. They are treated like livestock, and are sold and used to barter for services.

Because there is a movement dedicated to telling me I don’t need feminism.

This list could be longer. I know this is just the tip of the ice berg in most cases and places, but lately these are the things that have been weighing me down. these are the reasons why “I am the worst” and they are the reason why I don’t care if you think I’m the worst or blah blah blah… I am a human and I will treat you like one if you treat me like one.

What is your Why?

Hey, Sexy!

My friends just left the bar for the next and I hadn’t closed my tab… so I was about 5 minutes behind them, heading out solo. Its cold. Its dark. I pause just outside the door to look at my phone and I can feel the looks and smiles being directed at from the cigarette-smoking guys just outside the club.  It feels kind of flirty but also makes me feel uneasy, I’m not looking for a guy tonight (or ever, really) I start up the sidewalk to the next destination that was just texted to me by my drunk boyfriend-clad friends. I’m away from the loud club in a quiet stretch of darkened windows and closed businesses and… alleys.

“Hey Sexy!” this phrase is shouted at me, and I am suddenly very aware of what I’m wearing. Wondering if it is really me this man is shouting at. I’m feeling naked now in my not-too-short sequined skirt with black tights and ankle boots. My hair is curled. My hands are deep in the pockets of my Pea coat, and I’m looking straight ahead trying not to make eye contact with this group of men standing against the outside wall of a sketchy little downtown drinking establishment.

“Hey SEXY! I’m talking to you!” I pick up my pace a bit and become frightfully aware that this is noticeable by the sound of my heels against the cobblestone. My heart feels like it is now keeping time with my quickened walking pace. I’ve noted now, that I’m afraid.

“SEXY! Why won’t you at least come talk to me? COME ON, SEXY!?” He’s yelling, offended now, and leans out from his wall in disbelief that I’m not acknowledging him. I ignore him with every fiber of my being. His bros are laughing and whistling. I am now walking passed these men and I am nearing the safety zone of a well lit establishment with a bouncer and other people who would hopefully defend me if these guys decided to do anything.

“Whatever, fucking BITCH…Go home and just be a lonely cunt forever!”

That is the last thing I hear before locking eyes with a couple walking towards me, I’m desperate to be engaged with anyone other than those men shouting at me, but they show no interest in my existence. I’m alone, on the street, and I feel like I have been undressed, degraded, and personally singled out and attacked… for being a woman? Wearing a skirt? Walking alone? I feel guilty, and angry, and confused.

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This weekend was the first time that has ever happened to me in IRL. I have had the misfortune of being completely degraded and harassed on dating website message services, but never in person.  I have heard the stories of friends and other people living in bigger more diverse cities, and on other people’s blogs and articles, so I thought I would be intrigued when this finally happened, I thought it would be interesting, maybe I might even like it… I never knew that this is how it would feel to be “cat-called”. This weekend was an interesting learning experience. When it happened, it was not welcomed. It was not a compliment. It was not friendly.  Even now, just typing this, I feel the heat creeping up my neck to my cheeks. I’m so angry that I feel helpless and victimized. In that moment I wanted to turn around and yell something like “Does your mother know you talk to women like that!? Do you ever get girls like that!? Is your dick really that small!?” But I didn’t. I didn’t, because I was afraid, afraid that I would get harassed further, that he and his bros might threaten me or hurt me, or worse… rape me.

I was afraid of being raped.

When I got to the next bar I casually told my friends what had just happened, someone replied “Well that’s what you get for walking alone.” (That’s what I get for… existing?) Later that weekend, someone else I told immediately inquired about what I was wearing. I described my classy winter going-out style and got: “Well, yeah! What did you think would happen!?” (So I shouldn’t wear skirts or exist?) Only ONE of my friends immediately replied with disgust saying, “Wow, what a bunch of douchebags, I’m glad you’re ok, that must have been scary.” (THANK YOU!)

No one wanted to really talk further about this, it was uncomfortable for them, some of them admitting that they actually wished that it would happen to them, because it would be nice to be “noticed.” Some of them (men) didn’t seem to care that this happened at all and just said “Huh, weird.” Yeah, REALLY WEIRD, and by weird, I mean unacceptable, disgusting, degrading, and perverted.

Why are people not appalled by this? Do I really live in a world where a person (woman) can’t walk down the street alone without expecting to be harassed? Do I live in a world where people shame others for being surprised that this happened, and try to make them feel guilty and somehow responsible for their own harassment because they chose to wear a skirt in public? Is it really accepted that being called “sexy” (or mami, baby, big-tits etc) as a “greeting” by strangers is OK and should be welcomed as a compliment? Should I be obligated to stop and talk to every sexually-driven male who calls out to me in the street? Do I deserve to be called a lonely cunt when I don’t reciprocate?

  1. NO. NO.

But no one thinks twice about this usually because “it’s just the way it is.”

Why?

Because we live in a society where women are told their whole lives:

“Dress modestly so you don’t draw unwanted attention.”

“Don’t walk alone at night.”

“Just ignore them, and don’t provoke them.”

“Don’t get raped.”

Men live in a society where they aren’t told to do anything… they hear what women are told and they assume:

“If a woman is showing her legs or shoulders, ‘she is asking for it’.”

“If a girl is walking alone, she is a weak target.”

“A woman knows better than to say anything or fight back to a man.”

“Women are responsible for not getting raped.”

Am I mad at men?

No.

It’s not anyone’s fault. But it is EVERYONE’s problem… and it is a problem which is part of a very large crazy-scarier problem: Women are still oppressed. We are still the “lesser sex”. We are still viewed as objects existing in a Man’s world.

You’re thinking…. “No, that’s bullshit, women get to vote, and work, and wear whatever they want! They get to hold public office, and are allowed to do everything men can do!!  You’re just a crazy whining feminist on her period.” It’s ok, I’m used to that response, no offense taken, you’re not there yet and its ok, you can’t change your mind overnight.

But here is what I have to say: Women shouldn’t have to “get” to do anything or be “allowed” to do anything. We just are, We just do. We are people and no one should be in charge of what we “get” to do.

See? It is subtle, it is ingrained, it is taught and it is perpetuated DAILY and goes unnoticed by people who don’t realize they are oppressing or being oppressed. No need to be defensive, or guilty, or angry that you’re being “called out” because everyone does it. I do it. But does that mean its OK? NO.

Can we all try and see it and fix it and change it? YES.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“

An hour after this incident, I decided to walk a few blocks (by myself) to meet my brother at another place. I was feeling confident that this stretch of city was a little safer than the last, so off I went. A block from my destination, I saw a man coming towards me. His stance seemed confident and he was tall and strong-looking, and I began to feel the fight or flight mechanism gearing up. I replayed the earlier events and words in my head and I felt a sudden urge to run across the street so as to avoid him and any possible harassment he may offer. Was this how I was always going to feel from now on when encountering men alone? Should I?

Now only feet away, my heart was racing, I’m feeling afraid and regretting not taking a cab. I look up trying to stare right through him as if he does not exist.

“Ma’am, be careful up that way, it’s really icy…have a good night.” He says, never slowing down, with a polite nod and genuine smile.

“Thank you… you too.”

What do I know?

I’m Heather.

I’m a single, 28 year old, woman, working as a full time secretary. I am a taxpaying renter in a one person household living in NH. Those are my stats according to the US government.

According to me: I’m a sassy, cynical, educated realist, who can find the humor in any situation. I am emotional but aware. I give great advice but can’t seem to apply it in my own life. I love wine, my cat, the sound of crickets, and stupid TV dramas. I don’t like being told what to do, unless it is someone’s job to do so. I argue and love with the same level of passion. I’m inappropriate, not “lady-like”, and blunt. I don’t care if you don’t like me. I like me enough for the both of us, and if you think that is conceited or bitchy, go back to the part where I don’t care.

So without further ado, lets get into the nitty gritty here: I’m entitled to my opinions here, because I believe that out in the career and social world, you should keep most of your opinions at bay, unless someone’s opinions are also being directed at you in an offensive manner, but lets be serious here: No one likes a hostile work environment or a ruined dinner party. But this is the internet… it’s all fair game, right?

I often find myself needing to write, or hypothesize, or at least record what I see or hear on a daily basis. So, I decided to do what every “crazy bitch who has an opinion” does…

I’m writing a blog.

This is for me mostly, and, if along the way, someone finds it (somehow) and it makes them laugh, think, or click [x] with a disgusted look on their face, then that is fine too.

You will find here anecdotes, ideas, thoughts, opinions, and jokes from and about daily life that may or may not include: Dating adventures and the single world, feminist humor and insight, things people say to me, current topics and pictures I find funny, entertaining, enthralling, disgusting, terrible, or annoying. I swear sometimes, because sometimes “fuck” is the only thing appropriate to convey my feelings… I have feelings, and I will occasionally talk about my cat, the weather, and what wine I’m currently obsessed with…because I can, because ‘Murica and freedom and girl power!

But, I’m just a secretary, what do I know?