Women!? But What About Men!?

One of the most annoying, ignorant, and selfish comments made by anti-feminists (other than “not all men”) is “You hate men!” or “You don’t care about men’s rights” “We [men] are the reason you even have rights!” or my favorite “You demonize men and completely write off all they have done for you!”

Excuse me… WHAT?

First of all, don’t tell me who I hate or don’t. I love humans… men are humans, so I love men. Some humans are assholes, so some men are assholes. I call ’em like I see ’em. If you are defensive or angry when I identify as a feminist… take a second and search within your human self as to why. Does it scare you that another human wants to be treated like every other human? Did my polite and educated opinion make you question everything you’ve ever known and you don’t dare entertain the thought that maybe, just maybe, you were taught and socialized in a way that oppresses other humans? As a man, are you worried that women might deserve and enjoy the same respect, dignity, and opportunities as you?

No, really, this is a serious question: Why are you so angry?

Oh, is it because someone else wants to share in your power over EVERYTHING? That you might have to stop treating other humans as unimportant objects? That you might have to be held accountable for your actions? That women might start getting recognized for things that you have always taken credit for? That you might have to acknowledge that we are just as smart, strong, and qualified to participate in life, as you?

I know that I am speaking to men in that last paragraph… but women are just as angry too. I know women that say things like “Feminists ruined it for women. Now we have to work and be moms! I liked it better when a man took care of everything! We all have roles, we should have just kept our mouths shut and we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Hey women who think feminists ruined life for you: NEWSFLASH!

Men can be dads to their kids. Men can stay home. Men can cook. Men can do laundry. You can work. You can have a family. Its not about roles… its about equality. And I’m not sure what feminists had to do with the cost of living going up so women had to help men support their own family. You’re the ones putting that pressure on him to be the “bread winner” and be the “provider.” That stigma is just as much of a problem as men thinking that the woman’s place is in the kitchen.

Everyone belongs in the kitchen! The kitchen has food!

What I try to reiterate to women who think that I’m shaming them for thinking feminism is wrong and immoral or somehow shameful to women or “the way it is supposed to be” is: If you want to be a stay at home mother who cooks and cleans and works hard to keep a nice home for their family, then go for it! I think it is great you found a way of life that fulfills your every need and desire! It is your right to choose what is best for you. But as a woman who has chosen what is best for herself, realize that your lifestyle is not what is best for every woman, and saying that women don’t belong anywhere but in the home, is oppressive.

Someone posted this today… and it made me die inside.

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“Waaaaaaah I’m a man, recognize me! Thank me! Give me credit! Talk about me!”

Right, because NOTHING is ever about men. my bad.

The problem I have with this is that men did house women and children, they did feed, protect, and take care of them.

Because women weren’t allowed to do it for themselves.

Men were told by society to “keep your woman in line.” and women were told “keep your man happy!” Men were told they deserved women’s respect and service because they were bred to kill themselves over their country, jobs, and status. Well, that’s because women weren’t allowed to have jobs, women weren’t allowed to go to college or join the military. There were times and places where women weren’t allowed to vote, drive cars, or leave their house with out a man.

essentially this post portrays men like this: “I am the bread winner! I am the only one capable of providing for you! So you can’t fight, or work, or do the heavy lifting because I said so! So sit down, Shut up, and be thankful that I am such a kind person!”

Women were men’s.

Not to say those women didn’t appreciate it. Not to say that women who love their husbands who work hard shouldn’t appreciate them… that’s not what I am saying.

I’m talking about the women who were brought up in a time, in a society, and in homes that taught them that they needed to be pleasing to men, get a man, take care of a man and he will make all your dreams come true! She was never told, you’re smart, you’re funny, you matter, you can go to school, you could be a doctor/lawyer/teacher/accountant, you could travel, you could change the world. No, those things were for men. So why would she ever be anything else accept a wife and mother? You are what you know how to be.

No offense, men, but you know how to be entitled. You are the majority in the house and senate. You are the majority in business and corporations. you are the majority of wealth holders. No one asks you how you balance work and family. No one calls you bossy when you propose plans, no one assess your worth by considering your body/hair/makeup/looks. No one pities you for not being married. You don’t have to fear walking alone at night. You are not told that men are weak, emotionally unstable, too gentle, too dumb, too pretty. No one tells you what to do with your sperm. Men, you are not oppressed.

What I’m saying, men, is that feminism isn’t about you, and the fact that you think that it is not a worthwhile cause because it does not directly benefit you, is the EXACT reason why we need feminism.

And just in case you all forgot, feminism DOES help men. It helps children, and minorities, and the LGBT humans as well.

So, yes, women.

What about men?

 

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“Don’t take it so hard…

It’s a joke not a dick!”

Haha funny, yes because I’m a female and I take hard dicks hahaha you’re such a funny guy making jokes about ladies, you’re right, I like being the butt (or in this case the vagina) of jokes.

I’m pretty tired of hearing this. “It’s funny, just laugh” is not the same as “you know you want it, shhh just take it.” But… It definitely starts to make me nervous how similar it is.

For everyone thinking “this sensitive bitch can’t take a fucking joke! What a boring c-word.” Please know I’m funny, I like jokes, I can even laugh at generalized jokes and I can make fun of myself… But when the people I know, who I care about and feel love and respect for, start making jokes that make me feel like a low-class citizen, a sex object, or a non-human convenience to the opposite sex… I find it hard to fake a damn smile.

My apologies for not apologizing.

We are CONSTANTLY bombarded by images of women being sexulized, patronized, disregarded, disrespected, and degraded. Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s blatant, sometimes it’s innocent and by accident, most of the times it’s obvious and implied. We are so desensitized to it that we don’t even recognize it anymore. When I point it out I’m the crazy one. But that is media. That’s expected. But what about those people on your FB that you just can’t delete because you knew them from “back in the day” and they were always decent enough to you and they always says happy birthday and their kids pics are super cute, why not be their friend? Because they keep liking and posting those posts… You know the ones.


Is it funny?

Yeah, to men and women who think they are DVD player.

I just roll my eyes, scroll past and try not to judge him. But come on!?

People are liking and commenting on this stuff and women are lol-ing so as to show that they are a”cool” girl…

But then there is me.

I’m thinking to myself: so women are like TVs? We are to sit quietly in the living room just waiting to entertain you with our bodies? Mute button so that I don’t get to talk or discuss anything? I am the maker of food? My boobs should be adjustable? We aren’t allowed to have PMS or clothes on? I’m an object you want to control?

Extreme thoughts? Maybe… But think about it. Jokes are only funny if they make sense within the context and society and others can relate and see the origin. The joke? Men want to control women, Women would be better if we could control them. Amirite!? Where is the joke there? I’m not laughing, because the fact that people are laughing shows that we are all subscribing to the fact that women being degraded is OK, therefore it’s funny.
Happy November! Time of turkey, and thanks and scraggly, wirey, pube-esque beards.

No I’m not a fan. But that’s my opinion. I know a bunch of guys that grow ’em and a ton of gals who love ’em. If you like beards I support you good sir/Madame…But you won’t see any memes from women saying they aren’t shaving their down-unders and guys cheering. You know that there aren’t any memes that women are posting about beards being unattractive or ruining humanity… Nope, because that would make us bitches! Men grow hair on their faces and it’s natural and sexy and we should all embrace it!

Weird, I have hair that grows naturally on my body too, but I don’t get a month where it is celebrated and I’m shamed if I don’t shave? I’m expected to think this is funny?

And then there is stuff like this…


Um? What? I think that this person is confused about what friendship is. I have a lot of friends that I’ve had for a long time that have never asked or needed to see my boobs to prove my friendship.

So because I’m a woman, and you know me, and we are friends, you expect me to let you see and touch my breasts and if I don’t you would tell me I’m not your true friend?  Hilarious! So funny! Good one.

Those examples are definitely sexist, degrading, and objectifying… But then there is this stuff that makes me cringe and touches a very personal nerve:

The picture is of a girl dancing with… Other girls. They are probably out celebrating someone’s achievement or maybe it was a long week and they want to blow off steam. They are in the circle that was barricading out creeps trying to “grind up on” them. No where is it depicting a girl riding a “cock-carousel” but I would like to see said amusement park ride. Points to the first person who can draw/render one.

But seriously! to society a girl who is “in her 30s now” and not married must be a slut who is now used-up, and deteriorating like a weathered OBJECT. There must be a reason why no one has saved her from her sad existence and settled down with her!
There’s no way that reason is because she focused on herself, her family, her friends. Definitely not because she put herself through college, busted her ass at a job to finally get that studio apartment she dreamed of since her womanizing ex told her she was nothing without a man. It’s definitely not because she chose to stay single, travel, pursue her music, and occasionally enjoy safe, consenting, sex with people she dated. It is not related to the fact that now that she’s stable and can provide for herself and has found out how to be happy and love herself she wants to share that love with someone else?

Nope. It’s definitely because she’s a whore, and that’s all she will ever be, and she would be so lucky if a man (unfortunately for him) loved her anyway.

These are the things I see EVERYDAY. I think these things EVERYDAY. And EVERYDAY I scroll past them, roll my eyes, and try to not hate people for what they find to be funny…

But it’s there and I’m here, and I’m not laughing, and I’m not sorry.

Why I’m The Worst.

I know…. its been like… forever since my last post. I’m the worst blah blah blah.

But I have some shit to say, so here:

Something that I keep seeing on the internetz. Picture: Woman/man holding up a white board or notebook paper or cardboard sign with “reasons why I’m a feminist” or “Why I need feminism.” Then they have a written reason.

(then all of the women-hating, feminist-bashing, assholes comment about how they are the worst blah blah blah)

Most of the signs they hold are well written and very true. They really do get you thinking about why. Why do I need feminism?

Lately I have been more open about my feminist views. I have been more apt to point out to others that the way they are talking is making me uncomfortable and is not nice to other people they care about. Needless to say, this has upset people. just a little comment makes people enraged and feel betrayed and angry. example:

I was hanging with a group of friends and they were talking about the comedy show they just went to see. I ignored the “funny for a girl” comment about Amy Schumer (you pick your battles), but they all agreed she was pretty funny… then one of them said “yeah but she has such fat arms” and they all started discussing her physical appearance… and this is the battle I picked.

“that’s rude.” I said simply and they immediately stopped and looked at me like I had told them they were all terrorists.

“Why!? her arms are fat and she isn’t attractive.”

“Why does that have anything to do with her being funny or a good comedian?”

No one answered me. The subject changed. I’m the crazy feminist now.

So I have some reasons I’ve been harboring for a while on why I myself specifically need feminism and why I myself think others benefit from it as well. These are real. these are no lie. So for any of you that can’t wait to jump on the comment section and tell me I’m exaggerating, whining, or that I’m the worst blah blah blah…please remember that you were not there, I’m not attacking you, if you’re feeling offended or guilty about these, maybe realize why, instead of projecting your anger and confusion on me.

Reasons I (and every woman and man) need feminism (other than because I don’t want to make anyone a sandwich who doesn’t deserve my delicious sandwiches…)

I was called a “fat ugly feminist” on FB as a retort to an educated, non-aggressive, comment I made about sexism.

Because my name is not: Holy tits, baby girl, sexy mami, sugar, darlin, hey baby… but men still yell these things at me on the street at night when I’m walking alone in the city I call my home.

Because you just thought to yourself “well you shouldn’t be walking alone at night” instead of “Those people are rude.”

Because when I decide to have sex with someone who I’m not in a relationship with, I’m seen as a slut, a whore, and easy.

Because when I decide I don’t want to have sex with someone, I “friend-zoned” them… because to them being my friend is not a valued relationship, but instead, a penalty.

Because when I have said “NO” to sex offers in the past some responses have been “you owe me” “but I was nice to you” “you know you want it” “I’m entitled to you” “I’ll pay you.”

Because when I tell other women about those responses, they say “well, you do kind of owe him” “well, he did buy you drinks.” “well, did you give him that impression?” “that’s how they are.” “they only want one thing” instead of “but you said NO, that should have been the end of it.”

Because when I preform with my music group of very talented people (both men and women), people come up to us after and tell the guys 100% of the time: “You sounded awesome, love the new songs!” But people tell me 60% of the time: “You looked so good up there! Love your outfit, you’re so pretty.”

Because a guy friend I’ve known my whole life laughed and told me matter of factly: “you’re not a feminist.”

Because I’m expected to laugh at rape jokes, and if I don’t, then I’m “a sensitive bitch with no sense of humor”

Because if you’re scared, weak, or not good enough, people call you a bitch, girl, pussy, and you’re told to Man-Up or get some balls.

Because my breasts, even fully covered, are publicly scrutinized, joked about, referenced, and even touched by friends, family, and strangers. Because they are “huge” I’m told to “put those things away” “jeez, those things are massive” “I see the girls are out to play” “I can’t stop staring” “what size are those things!?”

Because when I say I’m seriously considering a breast reduction because I have back pain guys say “NOOOOOO don’t do it, that would be a tragedy!” not “Oh man, sorry your back hurts.”

Because I was waiting for a cab and two strangers yelled from the outside dining area “hey baby, show us those tits!” and everyone outside the bar laughed and whooped and hollered and when I responded “first, show me your dicks,” and everyone looked away and acted like I was the drunk crazy person.

Because when I talk about how I want to buy a house/condo I don’t hear “oh nice, where are you looking” Instead I get “By yourself? Don’t you want to wait until you have a serious boyfriend?” “who is going to fix things?” “Make sure there’s a room for a nursery!”

Because I know so many creative, sensitive, thoughtful, men who are intelligent, aware, and compassionate human beings, and society tries to tell us that these men aren’t “real” men.

Because I know men who are respectful, and treat me as an equal, and revel in our sex-less friendship and try to understand my point of view even though its hard. They don’t deserve to be dumbed down and told that “boys will be boys” and men “can’t help themselves” and that they are animalistic and sexually hungry by nature.

Because men can be better than that.

Because I have to convince men (and women who are against it) that feminism helps them too. The fact that instead of viewing me as a human being with feelings and needs I am viewed as an enemy to Mankind, and I must try not to offend those who humiliate me and I must tread lightly around those who feel threatened by me asking to not be threatened by them.

Because there are women that wished they were treated as I am… because in their country (and sometimes even in this country) women are beaten, burned, raped, and killed for speaking out or doing what makes them happy, or simply for being a woman. They are treated like livestock, and are sold and used to barter for services.

Because there is a movement dedicated to telling me I don’t need feminism.

This list could be longer. I know this is just the tip of the ice berg in most cases and places, but lately these are the things that have been weighing me down. these are the reasons why “I am the worst” and they are the reason why I don’t care if you think I’m the worst or blah blah blah… I am a human and I will treat you like one if you treat me like one.

What is your Why?